Markie Posts

Camerson Diaz!


I’m sure most of you were busy last night engaged in socially relevant activities such as zealously reciting “I have a Dream”, brushing up on the meaning behind each day of Kwanzaa, or pouring gin on the curb of your local MLK Blvd., but I was watching the Golden Globes and being that I feel the awards, like most award shows, are merely celebrating mediocrity and politics, here’s me attacking the physical; red carpet fashion. Yay!



Let me start with the afore-posted photo…I caught the show half-way through, so when Diaz walked on stage in “that” to present an award, I shocked and could not stop laughing. From that out-of-place diamond dog-collar bow/belt up, the dress may be conceived as “pretty”, but that skirt, and that bow, and that red lipstick (with a pink dress??? What is she? A Valentine’s Day card?) the whole look is one, big, ruffled disaster. I’m just glad she wasn’t the one responsible for bringing sexy back.

Sienna Miller


All we need are her boobs pushed up to her chin, two big frosty beer mugs in each hand and we’re ready to celebrate Octoberfest. Doesn’t she look like she’s about to mug you? I guess that’s what happens when you’re born with a monkey’s face.

Ali Larter


You can wear all the pretty dresses you want, but you'll always be this girl to me:



Beyonce Knowles


You should’ve seen Beyonce’s fake, shit-eating grin when she lost to Meryl Streep. Girlfriend actually thought she was going to win. You should’ve also seen the part in her hair, all stitching and roots from her 80 lb. wig. With that tacky-ass Miss USA-esque dress and her overtly sexy ‘tude Beyonce could easily be one of Donald Trump’s pageant girls, and hey, I heard they’re looking for a new Miss New Jersey who’s not knocked up. How’s about it Beyonce? You’re an award-whore, don’t you want to add a tiara and a sash to your trophy case?

America Ferrera


I’m not going to diss this Globe-winning actress too much, what she’s doing is somewhat bold, and she looked pretty enough last night. I’m just going to post her acceptance speech.

"Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah...thank you!"

Nicolette Sheridan


Is it just me or does she look like she was tied down to a rail road track by a guy with a villainous Salvador Dali mustache?

Hillary Swank


I usually like what she wears, and looking at this dress now, the bows need to go. But from afar and when she was presenting on stage, this dress made her figure look incredible, the smallest waist since Dita Van Tease. Eh, and I can do without the hair clip.

Angelina Jolie


:::yawn::: Beautiful as usual :::yawn:::

Helen Mirren

All night while this old ho who played Queen Elizabeth sat at her Golden Globe table, I kept looking at her and thinking “Wow, I hope I look as great as she does when I’m her age” and then she won an award….and stood up…if I can find a full-body shot later, I’ll post it…but her dress showed massive cleavage, and combo of boobs and sagging arm skin was just too much for me. I felt slightly revolted. She’s still a beautiful woman though

Jennifer Garner


I think Jen “McFatty” Garner’s a really pretty woman, thing is she’s got some serious weight issues. I guess I’m posting her Golden Globe picture with the following quote to contradict one another:

“It got a little ridiculous and I got on the treadmill and I lost weight. It’s that simple. I stopped stuffing my face and I started running and lost weight. I cut out bagels and croissants and muffins and all the good stuff and went back to having a salad once a day with some protein. I can’t do a crash diet. I know that if I do that I’ll just gain more back… There were actually a couple of bikini scenes in ‘Catch & Release,’ where I said, ‘I can’t get ready for a bikini that quickly; take it out.’”

Jennifer Love Hewitt


JLove’s dress was a wreck last night and I think I speak for everyone when I say I prefer Family Guy’s stylistic choices for this starlet:




Drew Barrymore and Reese Witherspoon




As obnoxious as these two can be, I must admit, breaking up does both of these girls some physical good. I mean, I think Drew had the best dress of the night and Reese’s hair looked super cute. What else can I say? No bashing here.