Markie Posts

2) Last night, surrounded by mullets in an indie pop club, I spotted a girl in skinny jeans who offended my eyes the same way A.C. Slater makes my pupils bleed whenever he slides onto the screen in his tapered acid-washed jeans…and I’m legally blind. Now, before you jump the gun and assume I’m being catty, hear me out; I, myself am not skinny. I’ve never been skinny, nor will I ever be skinny and It’s not because I have this unshakable need for deep fried lard, but because like the fashion victim I observed, I’ve got curves. And I’m not saying I have curves in the sense that I’m trying to soften the word “fat”, but even when I was my most neurotically fit, I still would never, EVER attempt to squeeze my wide hips and supple, bubbly ass into a pair of skinny jeans. They make any girl under 115 lbs. look like a frumpy pear, hence the name “skinny jeans”. So if your skeletal frame doesn’t resemble an Olsen twin’s, wear jeans with some kind of flair.
Thanks,
my eyes

3) Steve Carell has HUGE HANDS

4) I am SO shallow and totally care about what others think of me.

5) My crazy cover letter actually got a response….WTF????

6) Yesterday, I was leaving a beautiful, mucus green Kendall strip mall when I saw a run-down station wagon embellished with what could only be described as crap. Being the person that I am (apparently Japanese), I immediately made a U-Turn and took a picture:
I would’ve gotten more pictures but the old dude who was driving this crapmobile was in and out of a convenience store within a quick minute and I didn’t want to seem like a random weirdo taking pictures of his car – although the guy bought nothing but a Heineken, that he didn’t open until he was in the car, and didn’t start drinking until after he had reversed….BUT I did happen to get one last choice pic:

// posted by Whoreese @ 7:31 PM