Markie Posts

I'm moving to Sparta, WI because apparently it's the bicycle capitol of the United States. I’m so sick of driving and cars and people in cars and people in cars that are clearly baffled by the utter sight of paved, painted roads clear of chickens or goats or alligators or herds of monkeys or lobster people or herds of nymphomaniac lobster people.

I literally live about 10 minutes from my office and today I was a half an hour late for work because ONE lane was closed down and no one wanted to let the people in the closed down lane into their open lanes.

When reversing out of a spot this afternoon, the parking median pulled off half of a bumper, forcing me to pull into a Church’s parking lot and ghetto rig it back into place with a bungee cord.

Then my Voltzwagon emblem fell off….for no apparent reason.

Then I had to follow a funeral procession all the way back to the office, only to be cut off by an old man riding a motorcycle with no helmet and was afraid to go over 15 mph.

I didn't even have the time to pick up Arcade Fire's new album, which sucks the most.

Driving's weak.

No more.